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Frances Kakugawa Is an Alchemist of Emotions
By Susan M. Osborn
Frances
Kakugawa has a gift for orchestrating emotional alchemy. Through
her writings, workshops and speaking engagements, she demonstrates
how writing can transform the lives of those who are taking care
of loved ones with long-term disabilities.
Her poetry writing workshops and support groups provide a safe place to give
voice to the challenges of caregiving. As emotions are brought to the surface
and expressed in poems, a healing process begins. Resentment, anger and pain
are transmuted into acceptance, compassion and strength. Fear and depression
metamorphose into courage and a sense of renewed energy.
“Writing poetry allows each of us to find our true voice; often this voice
is one of compassion and love,” Kakugawa observes. “It’s wonderful
to have people attend the workshops who feel helpless, scared and impossibly
burdened and hear them say at the end of the session, ‘I can hardly wait
to get home, so I can be a different kind of person.’”
Kakugawa became a primary caregiver when her mother was afflicted with Alzheimer’s
disease. After journaling and writing poetry helped bring dignity and insight
to her caregiving experience, Kakugawa volunteered to lead a poetry writing support
group for caregivers at the Hawaii Alzheimer’s Association.
The results of the first support group appear in her book, “Mosaic Moon.” This
rich resource contains inspirational poems that reflect the trials and small
triumphs of family caregivers and serves as a guide to creating poetry support
groups.
Kakugawa emphasizes the value of meeting and talking with other caregivers on
a regular basis. She says, “It’s very important to know whatever
you’re thinking or feeling is normal, and you are not alone. The tendency
is to deny negative feelings because they aren’t nice. We feel guilty for
having them, so we cover them up. Writing provides a way to move through one’s
own denial and find personal strength to meet the daily challenges.”
She continues, “Support groups provide guidance and information based on
the experiences of real people. There’s no magic guidebook. Every person
is different. There is no one right way to be a caregiver.”
Three major elements in Kakugawa’s approach are attitude, acceptance and
presence. “There’s something divine about being a caregiver,” she
says. “If we fail to recognize this and approach care giving with a negative
attitude, it can be a very difficult journey.
“In the writing groups, we ask, ‘What am I really feeling here?’ No
matter what’s happening, we just allow the words to flow. As we do this,
we learn how to turn the negative aspects of our lives into a creative art form.”
About acceptance, Kakugawa says, “We tend to give meanings and motives
to certain behaviors when, in fact, there are none. A loved one may do some bizarre,
bothersome things, but this is due to a loss of ability, not because he or she
wants to do these things. The caregiver must learn to embrace the new person
who’s evolving.
“We want them to be our kind of normal, but that’s not going to happen.
Whatever behaviors the cared-for person exhibits, it’s that individual’s
way of attempting to retain the capacity she or he once had. There’s still
a real person behind the behavior who is striving to maintain dignity.”
Being fully present is important. She says, “Many times, we have problems
because our relationship with the person for whom we’re caring has not
been so good. Equally difficult is caring for someone we’ve loved dearly,
and the relationship has been so good we struggle with watching that relationship
change. No matter what’s happened in the past, one can learn to focus on
what’s going on in the present.”
Kakugawa has published eight books. Her most recent children’s book, “Wordsworth
Dances the Waltz,” is the story of a young mouse who writes poems to gain
understanding of his grandmother’s gradual memory loss.
Kakugawa lectures and leads workshops throughout the U.S. In October, she was
the keynote speaker at the Hawaii County Office of Aging Caregiver Conference
and led workshops for the Alzheimer Association Aloha Chapter’s Kauai and
Honolulu offices.
In Sacramento, Kakugawa conducts a writing support group for caregivers the first
Saturday of the month from 10 a.m. to noon at the Arden-Dimick Library Community
Room. Contact her at fhk@francesk.org or by calling (916) 641-1166.
In February, she is starting a writing support group for teens who have family
members afflicted with Alzheimer’s or other dementia-related diseases.
Call the Sacramento Alzheimer’s Office to confirm the site and dates at
(916) 930-9080.
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Metropolitan News Company, Inc.
